Some thoughts...

(if you are new to this blog I implore you to follow from the very first post.)

There is a quote I love by George Q. Cannon. “We may be insignificant and contemptible in our own eyes and in the eyes of others, but the truth remains that we are children of God and that he has actually given His angels....charge concerning us, and they watch over us and have us in their keeping.”

We are everything to Him!

Recently when our ward had our Primary Sacrament meeting I wrote down some of the statements made by the children. One said “I know Jesus loves me because He makes me feel good.” Another stated “ I am grateful fro Jesus because He is nice to me and Helps me.”
All of this made me reflect on an experience I had with my grandson a few years ago. He was probably about 3 years old at the time. I was visiting their family in Austin and he was having a difficult day. His mother had repeatedly asked him to get his shoes on and he was struggling to get motivated. Finally, I pick up him and his shoes and gently set him on my lap. As I began to put on his shoes I started singing “Heavenly Father, are you really there and do you hear and answer every child’s prayer? Some say that Heaven is far away, but I feel it close around me as I pray.”

I got to that point when he turned his face toward mine and kissed me on the cheek. An incredible spirit filled the room. It was as if the walls closed in around us and that little boy and I were the center of the universe wrapped in the arms of our Heavenly Father. It was as if my grandson was bearing testimony to me that he knew Heavenly Father and he knew that He loved him.

It is a difficult task as parents to help our little ones remember what they already know. It is difficult for us as adults to remember what we once knew.

We can’t speak of service and love without referring to our savior whose sacrifice for us was personal and intimate.

C. S. Lewis said: “[God] has infinite attention to spare for each one of us. He does not have to deal with us in the mass. You are as much alone with Him as if you were the only being He had ever created. When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only man [or woman] in the world” (Mere Christianity [1943], 131).

When empowered by the love of our Savior we can do and overcome anything, for with god nothing shall be impossible.

He has said “I have loved thee with an everlasting love, therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” Jeremiah 31:3

Elder John Groberg has said:
"When filled with God’s love, we can do and see and understand things that we could not otherwise do or see or understand. Filled with His love, we can endure pain, quell fear, forgive freely, avoid contention, renew strength, and bless and help others in ways surprising even to us.

Jesus Christ was filled with unfathomable love as He endured incomprehensible pain, cruelty, and injustice for us. Through His love for us, He rose above otherwise insurmountable barriers. His love knows no barriers. He invites us to follow Him and partake of His unlimited love so we too may rise above the pain and cruelty and injustice of this world and help and forgive and bless.”

To really believe and feel, to trust and rely on his love for us and then to be able to extend that love to his children especially those we don’t feel deserve it-- those who have hurt, abused, betrayed, misjudged and mistreated us or those we love-- we will have to know him. It is not enough to know of him, we will need to become intimately acquainted with him. We are here precisely to do just that so that we will learn his divine qualities and plant them deep within our souls that we may become like him.
In the words of Michael Wilcox: “God desires children who are like him, reflecting all his perfections. What is God like? He is full of mercy, compassion, empathy, and charity. He works for his children’s happiness. He serves and forgives. To become like him, we, too, must acquire these traits. What experiences of life are most conducive in developing these qualities? When others suffer, we feel mercy and compassion. When others sin against us, we learn to forgive. Through others’ needs, we learn service, empathy, and charity. The most trying times of our own lives often are the best producers in us of godlike qualities.
We are given choices in mortality. We can choose to let the pain of life develop cruelty, indifference, and doubt within us. Or we can let it build compassion, wisdom, and faith.”

The only way that we will be able to believe we are worth loving the only way we can learn to forgive and to bless, the only way we can help a wandering child or heal a troubled marriage, the only way we can walk his path consistently and find answers to all our yearnings is with our hand in His. His arms are extended to us all the day long. He waits and longs for us to fall into them so he can heal and bless our lives. He is not sidetracked. We are all he does!

We talk of time restraints and other diversions of the world that keep us from developing that kind of deep personal relationship with our Savior, but really it is a matter of the heart. We must first determine that we truly want to be healed and whole. And then we must give our heart to him. That doesn’t mean there is no time for anything else, but when we spend some time each day drawing near to him, we will then think of him more, we will teach others of him more, we endure the crosses of our lives with new eyes.

Sister Chieko Okazaki taught:
"The Savior does not call us to abandon the world; he calls us to come unto him so that he can heal us and make us whole. But to do that, we have to bring him our hearts--all of the pieces we have given elsewhere. He asks us to take care of our daily activities with a heart centered on him.
Our spiritual lives should be our lives, not just a separate part of our lives.”

Only when we know him can we view ourselves and others through the lens of his love and oh, what healing that brings.

As we were going through the experience detailed in this blog I was often frustrated and hurt and angry because of the pain that the actions of my husband and his girlfriend were causing in my life and the lives of my children. But heavenly father gave me a great gift. For a brief time He allowed me to see my husband through the eyes of our savior’s love for him. It was amazing and powerful. I was able to see past the humanness into my husband's spirit. A spirit searching for love and answers and I determined that if the lord loved him regardless of his actions, I would too and perhaps I could be an instrument in father’s hands to help him home.

To understand that our savior loves all of father’s children reminds us that he loves us too. I believe the only real influence we can have on His children is to love them. He will teach us how but first we must come to him and let his love heal us.
Mormon in a letter to his son Moroni tells us how we can start: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure.” Moro. 7: 48

I know that I am heavenly Father’s daughter. He is my Abba, my papa, my daddy! And he is yours. I know he loves me though I seldom feel worthy of His patient, forgiving, gentle love. I know my savior loves me. And I know they love you. His sacrifice for you and for me began before the foundation of this world. I have seen in my minds eye that council in heaven as he listened to the plan of our Father presented to us and wept tears over the possibility that any one of us might not return home. I know that his declaration “Here am I send me” was not only out of love and reverence for our Father, but for unfathomable love for each of us.

I know that he went forth suffering pains, afflictions and temptations of every kind that he might be filled with mercy and compassion so that he would know how and be able to strengthen and comfort us.

I know that in Gethsemane he experienced the totality of all human suffering. I know that he experienced those pains and sorrows for each of us individually—he knows your pains & my pains; he has born the burden for your sins & my sins. And having experienced our pains his love for us grew beyond our ability to comprehend.

"Surely he hath born our griefs and carried our sorrows and with his stripes we are healed". I know that it is through the power of the atonement we can be healed from all sorrows and infirmities. We can be forgiven and live with him again for he rose from the tomb.

We are on the pathway back home. If the fog could lift just slightly we would see just how close we are. We can and we must help each other home. We need not be discouraged if we appear to be at different places on that path from those we love. There are individuals further up ahead who reach back and take our hand just as we can reach out and take a hand to lift another along the way.

He wants us to come home and he knows what it will take for us to get there. All of the commandments he asks us to obey, all of the things he asks us to forsake are not to limit or punish us they are to lift us, unencumbered back to Him.
He has already prepared a place for you and for me in the mansions of our father and he fully expects us to be there.

I'm BAAA-AAACK!

It is interesting that both our son and our daughter spoke in their respective wards on Father's Day. I am inclined to post a portion of what each had to say about their father. The first is from our son. You may recall that he was serving a mission at the time his father's affair began. When he found out about it many months later he stated "I've lost all respect for that man." Just as my husband and I have healed, so have our children----all made possible by the atonement of our Savior who I cannot thank enough! When we turn to Him, welcome Him into our lives and our hearts with open arms, emulate him to the extent of our mortal power to do so---even, no, especially when it's difficult and especially with difficult people---we access the power of the atonement in our lives. It empowers us and makes us more...everything.
My children amaze me.
From our Son:

"My own father is one of the most humble men I know. Of course he wasn't always so humble. He has changed dramatically since my teenage years. Back then I thought he was too quick to anger, too demanding, too distant, and too embarrassing. I have since grown to treasure him as one of the few constants in my life. My father frequently travels to Philadelphia on business and it is extremely rewarding for me to go out to lunch or dinner with him once or twice a month. He recently underwent a serious medical procedure and I had the chance to give him a blessing beforehand. This was a time of significant uncertainty for our family, and it was clarified and soothed by a relationship based on open communication and by the power of the priesthood. This was especially unique because my father, while a very spiritual man, is not a member of the church. And he asked me for the blessing.

Our relationship has improved since my teenage years because we have both learned the importance of talking to each other. Talking to each other gives us the opportunity to see the world through each other’s eyes. This is especially useful in the context of interacting with children.

Why are they frustrated? As I wrestle with them during sacrament meeting, both literally and intellectually, why is it so hard for me to seek out the root cause of their disruptive behavior?

Is it just that they lack of control? They are only children, after all. Hunger? Bordom? A desire for attention? Eagerness to go to Primary class? I need to remind myself to ask why. Why are they acting out? The response should guide my actions and attitude.

I asked my dad the other day how he was approaching his medical condition. Was he gearing up for a fight? His

reply surprised me. "It’s not a fight," he said. "It's more of a dance. My body presents a condition and I respond."

My relationship with my children is similar. It doesn't have to be a fight. It is more of a joint exercise. We are in this together. How will I respond? I’m up against myself, not against my children.

So if we're in this together, parents and children, should we not talk to each other?

Should we not be more open with our own fathers? Those of us who are fortunate enough to have them still with us.

When [our youngest] was born last September, having been through it several times before, I approached the experience not expecting to be moved. With my guard down, of course, she was born and I was blown away. How could I be trusted with this perfect creature? How can love come from nowhere so suddenly, with such force? This, I believe, is a brief sample of our Father in Heaven's love for us. It's overwhelming. It is intense. And it is immediate.

The fatherhood experience is when I have felt closest to eternity. These are the times when I have had confirmed to me that life, and the relationships we create here, is but a window of opportunity. The time we have here may be brief in the grand eternal scale, but there is significant leverage to our overall existence. It is critical that we value each moment for the joys they bring and the lessons they offer.

One day, we'll all understand.

We can expedite that understanding by taking time to be with each other - to truly talk to each other. Talking to each other also means seeking out our Father in Heaven, communicating with him through prayer and quiet meditation. That these lines of communication may be strengthened and more effectual is my prayer."

From our daughter:

"Dad loved us. There has never been a question about that. But, he didn’t know what to do with us. That’s not to say he didn’t try. He built a skateboard and would take my infant brother for rides on it, doing tricks while holding the baby. When I was 10 or 11 years old, he thought it would be great fun to stuff me into our new trash can and put it on the skateboard and take me for a ride. Not so much.
"Our spiritual development was left to Mom, which she handled beautifully. She made sure Dad was there the night before school started every year to give us Father’s blessings. The intimacy of a Father’s Blessing might have felt awkward to him, but he still did it every year.
"There was a definite tender side to Dad which he didn’t let many people see. Mom would come in the room when I was a newborn, and find him holding me and stroking my cheek. When [my 2nd child] was a baby, I overheard Dad sitting with him in his lap, telling him what a special boy he was and how much he loved him. These tender moments were not frequent, but I never doubted, or even thought to question my Dad’s love for me. Maybe that’s part of the reason why I never doubted or thought to question my Heavenly Father’s love for me. It is just part of being His kid.
"As I have grown, my understanding and knowledge have grown, right along with my finding out how much I don’t understand and don’t know. I now understand that it was a really big deal that my Dad gave us those blessings every year. I don’t remember a single thing that he said in those blessings, I just remember that he did it. It was also a really big deal that he fixed up that old rusted out 1976 Fiat for my brother and I to drive. He didn’t have to do it, but he did it to make our lives easier, and as an expression of his love.
"On the same token, but on a much greater scale, our Savior didn’t have to suffer pains unimaginable and live the life He lived, nor did our Father have to watch Him suffer, but they both did it. They did it to make our lives easier, and as the ultimate expression of their love.
"I didn’t appreciate that old rusty car: I never got the oil changed, I never washed it, I never checked the air in the tires, I never even asked if I could drive it 90 miles north to Logan, Utah to visit a boy, and, everyone knew that if you wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, mine was the car to learn it in.”

“I can’t go back and resurrect the old Fiat and treat it right, but I can express my gratitude to my earthly Father also by living a righteous life, (and maybe by taking good care of the cars we own now.) My Dad sacrificed his entire life to improve the quality of our family, there just aren’t words to show how much that means to me.”

"I love you Dad"