I'm BAAA-AAACK!

It is interesting that both our son and our daughter spoke in their respective wards on Father's Day. I am inclined to post a portion of what each had to say about their father. The first is from our son. You may recall that he was serving a mission at the time his father's affair began. When he found out about it many months later he stated "I've lost all respect for that man." Just as my husband and I have healed, so have our children----all made possible by the atonement of our Savior who I cannot thank enough! When we turn to Him, welcome Him into our lives and our hearts with open arms, emulate him to the extent of our mortal power to do so---even, no, especially when it's difficult and especially with difficult people---we access the power of the atonement in our lives. It empowers us and makes us more...everything.
My children amaze me.
From our Son:

"My own father is one of the most humble men I know. Of course he wasn't always so humble. He has changed dramatically since my teenage years. Back then I thought he was too quick to anger, too demanding, too distant, and too embarrassing. I have since grown to treasure him as one of the few constants in my life. My father frequently travels to Philadelphia on business and it is extremely rewarding for me to go out to lunch or dinner with him once or twice a month. He recently underwent a serious medical procedure and I had the chance to give him a blessing beforehand. This was a time of significant uncertainty for our family, and it was clarified and soothed by a relationship based on open communication and by the power of the priesthood. This was especially unique because my father, while a very spiritual man, is not a member of the church. And he asked me for the blessing.

Our relationship has improved since my teenage years because we have both learned the importance of talking to each other. Talking to each other gives us the opportunity to see the world through each other’s eyes. This is especially useful in the context of interacting with children.

Why are they frustrated? As I wrestle with them during sacrament meeting, both literally and intellectually, why is it so hard for me to seek out the root cause of their disruptive behavior?

Is it just that they lack of control? They are only children, after all. Hunger? Bordom? A desire for attention? Eagerness to go to Primary class? I need to remind myself to ask why. Why are they acting out? The response should guide my actions and attitude.

I asked my dad the other day how he was approaching his medical condition. Was he gearing up for a fight? His

reply surprised me. "It’s not a fight," he said. "It's more of a dance. My body presents a condition and I respond."

My relationship with my children is similar. It doesn't have to be a fight. It is more of a joint exercise. We are in this together. How will I respond? I’m up against myself, not against my children.

So if we're in this together, parents and children, should we not talk to each other?

Should we not be more open with our own fathers? Those of us who are fortunate enough to have them still with us.

When [our youngest] was born last September, having been through it several times before, I approached the experience not expecting to be moved. With my guard down, of course, she was born and I was blown away. How could I be trusted with this perfect creature? How can love come from nowhere so suddenly, with such force? This, I believe, is a brief sample of our Father in Heaven's love for us. It's overwhelming. It is intense. And it is immediate.

The fatherhood experience is when I have felt closest to eternity. These are the times when I have had confirmed to me that life, and the relationships we create here, is but a window of opportunity. The time we have here may be brief in the grand eternal scale, but there is significant leverage to our overall existence. It is critical that we value each moment for the joys they bring and the lessons they offer.

One day, we'll all understand.

We can expedite that understanding by taking time to be with each other - to truly talk to each other. Talking to each other also means seeking out our Father in Heaven, communicating with him through prayer and quiet meditation. That these lines of communication may be strengthened and more effectual is my prayer."

From our daughter:

"Dad loved us. There has never been a question about that. But, he didn’t know what to do with us. That’s not to say he didn’t try. He built a skateboard and would take my infant brother for rides on it, doing tricks while holding the baby. When I was 10 or 11 years old, he thought it would be great fun to stuff me into our new trash can and put it on the skateboard and take me for a ride. Not so much.
"Our spiritual development was left to Mom, which she handled beautifully. She made sure Dad was there the night before school started every year to give us Father’s blessings. The intimacy of a Father’s Blessing might have felt awkward to him, but he still did it every year.
"There was a definite tender side to Dad which he didn’t let many people see. Mom would come in the room when I was a newborn, and find him holding me and stroking my cheek. When [my 2nd child] was a baby, I overheard Dad sitting with him in his lap, telling him what a special boy he was and how much he loved him. These tender moments were not frequent, but I never doubted, or even thought to question my Dad’s love for me. Maybe that’s part of the reason why I never doubted or thought to question my Heavenly Father’s love for me. It is just part of being His kid.
"As I have grown, my understanding and knowledge have grown, right along with my finding out how much I don’t understand and don’t know. I now understand that it was a really big deal that my Dad gave us those blessings every year. I don’t remember a single thing that he said in those blessings, I just remember that he did it. It was also a really big deal that he fixed up that old rusted out 1976 Fiat for my brother and I to drive. He didn’t have to do it, but he did it to make our lives easier, and as an expression of his love.
"On the same token, but on a much greater scale, our Savior didn’t have to suffer pains unimaginable and live the life He lived, nor did our Father have to watch Him suffer, but they both did it. They did it to make our lives easier, and as the ultimate expression of their love.
"I didn’t appreciate that old rusty car: I never got the oil changed, I never washed it, I never checked the air in the tires, I never even asked if I could drive it 90 miles north to Logan, Utah to visit a boy, and, everyone knew that if you wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, mine was the car to learn it in.”

“I can’t go back and resurrect the old Fiat and treat it right, but I can express my gratitude to my earthly Father also by living a righteous life, (and maybe by taking good care of the cars we own now.) My Dad sacrificed his entire life to improve the quality of our family, there just aren’t words to show how much that means to me.”

"I love you Dad"