Our stake president wants desperately to help him. When I served those 8 years as stake RS president there were two stake presidents. The current president came aboard when I had been serving 4 1/2 years so I figured I would soon be released. I didn't really know the man other than he was a bishop in one of the wards in our stake but we hadn't really had much contact. Soon after he was called I had a meeting with him. He told me my days were numbered so I had better "sprint". But he also told me something interesting. He said from the first day he was set apart he became focused on my husband...a man he did not know at all. As he told me a little about his background I got excited realizing that this man just might be able to relate to my husband. They had very similar stories. Raised in homes where alcohol was abused, surfers, beach life guards...the first priesthood leader we had ever had that had such a similar childhood. But the post adolescent life experiences were vastly different as our stake president became truly converted to the gospel and served a mission, married a general authority's daughter (his mission president as well) became a very, very, very successful businessman, had 8 children, served faithfully in church leadership positions. A warm-hearted, caring man who my husband actually likes. When he and our Bishop came over recently (as I have previously mentioned) my husband enjoyed talking surfing and waves and such.
So today....what to think. I don't know what to pray for anymore. I have prayed for him to have a desire to study and learn. I have prayed for him to feel safe to allow himself to feel. I have prayed for a mighty change of heart for him. And I have prayed that Heavenly Father will lead those of us who love my husband to know what we can do.
Today I struggle with whether or not to hope because it is so painful when the hope leads to nothing. But then I realize that faith and hope can't be based on my prayers being answered the way I want when I want. Faith and Hope have to endure especially when it seems futile in my finite vision.
I was reading about the brother of Jared when the thought came to me: how loving of our Savior to provide an opportunity for the brother of Jared to exercise his faith to a degree that actually enabled him to see the Savior. I mean the Savior could have said "go over there and get some really smooth rocks that are kind of clear and bring them to me and I will light them for you." That would have been really great so that the brother of Jared would know just what to do and it would be done. It would still take some amount of faith, would it not, to believe the Savior could actually do that? So wouldn't that be enough faith for the brother of Jared to exhibit? On the other hand how much growth would there have been? How much experience would have been gained? Instead the Savior asked the brother of Jared what he would have the Savior do? This gave the brother of Jared the opportunity to exercise faith and works and to come to know the process of coming unto Him all the while having no doubt that the Savior could and WOULD touch those stones and give them light.
Today as I pray, I decided to have that kind of faith. I know the Savior can literally touch my husband's heart and mind with his finger. I know He can touch our stake president's heart and mind as well. But I recognize one difference here from those stones. Yes, even the stones had agency but He will not override my husband's agency. There's the concern.
Still I am going to choose to have faith and I am going to hope and if nothing seems to come of this as obvious as the lighted stones I am not going to lose that faith or hope. As I learned all those years ago on my knees in my room when the comforter spoke peace to my soul, Heavenly Father is involved and I can trust Him and His timing. There may be changes today that I cannot see just yet but will one day. To lose hope of that is despair and I will not do that. I have come too far to lose hope in my Savior and in my Father's plan for me and my family. The day it all comes together, Father's will and my husband's desire, will be a glorious one.
Psalm 119: 114 Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word.
Romans 8: 24-25 For we are saved by hope but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.
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