He received a letter explaining just what his excommunication meant. It really didn't change anything as far as his current participation since he had distanced himself from the church some time before this and had no intention of returning to church activity. Still, it was devastating for me to read.
Several months after his excommunication our Stake President told me to stop by his work so he could talk to me. He said he had some ideas to run past me.
He told me that I deserved to be loved with a deep, intimate, eternal love. he suggested that I consider asking my husband to leave our home. He felt that this would make him hit rock bottom, realize what he was missing and want to come back. When he told me he wanted to come back I was to tell him to call the stake president and he would tell him what he would need to do to get his family back including starting on the path to membership in the church.
I left this meeting with a deeply troubled heart. Was I so lacking in faith that I couldn't trust that this would lead him back to where I desired and he needed to be? I struggled for days wanting to obey my priesthood leader but not feeling this was right. I tried to pray about it but continued to feel very troubled and dark. I talked this over with my therapist. I told him of my struggle to even pray about this because it just depressed me to think about it. H suggested I turn it around. Since I couldn't pray if the decision to have him leave was right perhaps I should pray if having him stay was right.
One day I was walking into the temple pondering this and desiring to know God's will, when in my minds eye the following scene played out. I saw the pre-existance with a group of people full of joy in anticipation of our journey to Earth. As we anxiously awaited our turn for Earth life Heavenly Father entered the picture. We were excited to be in His presence as we gathered around Him. He greeted us all with love in His voice and on His face. Then he got very serious. he told us that He needed a volunteer to go to Earth very soon. We all looked at each other and wondered who would be the lucky one. We loved each other and our excitement was coupled with feelings of sadness at our temporary separation. We understood, however, that the Earth experience would be but a moment in our Heavenly time line. Father continued. He explained that the experience of the person who accepts this calling would be a difficult one, more so that for the rest of us in this gathering. This person would not have the advantage of being raised in a home with the gospel. This person's parents would have struggles which would make it difficult for them to nurture this person as a child. We began to look around at each others' faces, people we loved and had been with for eons. We realized it will only be for a moment, yet would we learn all we needed to and make it safely home, back to each other and this place we loved, under such difficult circumstances? It grew quiet as we each pondered the information Heavenly Father was giving us. Before any of us could speak one stood up and walked over to Father. He was almost nonchalant. He took Father by the hand. "I'll go," he said, no fear in his voice, just grateful for the opportunity to experience Earth life so he could become like Father. We gathered around him, full of love and admiration, to offer our congratulations on his imminent departure. I stood forward and said "don't worry, I will find you and I will help you back." The others surrounding him responded with "we will, too." He smiled and said "I know you will." Heavenly Father hugged him and asked us all "What if the way gets very painful and very difficult?" We answered "We will never give up. Not ever!"
At this moment as I entered the temple I knew I had my answer. I must not give up! It was much later that I realized the others surrounding my husband as he prepared to leave our heavenly home were our children and extended family and friends. I knew it would take a united effort to help him home. But not just him. We are to help each other as well.
It was after this that I went to Father in prayer asking whether it was His will that I stay in this marriage and not ask my husband to leave. I felt immediate peace. I had my answer.
3 Nephi 18:32 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your synagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them.
Still, the road was too be very difficult.
I read the following by Stephen R. Covey:
"In a class of 6 year olds...one of them asked 'What's a yoke?" The teacher immediately began composing in her mind the answer about animals being yoked together to pull a wagon, and about a frame for the shoulders that would help a person carry milk cans or some other burden. But before she could respond to the question, a little girl spoke up in a soft voice. "Jesus' yoke is when he puts his arms around your neck," she said. And so it is, for his yoke truly bring 'rest unto your souls." If even one of the partners in an unequally yoked marriage is truly centered on Christ and yoked up to him primarily, then that person's entire perception of the situation will change. He or she will have the security, guidance, wisdom and power to do whatever is necessary in the Lord's way and in the Lord's time for as long as necessary in an effort to bless the other and help and inspire him to become equally yoked to Christ.
"In the process, the person yoked to Christ will perceive the other's weaknesses with compassion rather than with accusation. He will give grace in the form of kindness, patience, understanding, and unconditional love. Such attitudes and behavior will not guarantee that the other will ultimately respond in kind, but they will maximize that likelihood." The Divine Center.
I could not go on one minute without my Savior's arms around me. Gratefully, He was always near!
No comments:
Post a Comment