So he was gone. I didn't know what to do or think or how to act. To my surprise and relief he called me quite often. He actually seemed to miss me. During his 5 week training I flew to Atlanta to visit him. When I got to my departure gate she was working the counter. What could I do? I really didn't want to have to go talk to her face to face. I kind of wandered up and down the hallway hoping she would go down the jet way or something. Somehow I managed to check in without dealing with her. Remember that at this point I had lost 75 pounds. I am pretty sure she didn't like that one bit. I got in line and got on the the plane without having to talk to her. When I got to Atlanta he told me that she had called him. She left him a message that she had seen me "parading up and down the hallways looking all cute and darling." That made me smile. He told me that she said she had considered walking up to me and handing me his pager number so I would know she had it but had decided not to.
"Why does she have your pager number?" I asked. He told me he had seen her in the parking lot and she asked him for it so he gave it to her. I wasn't comforted by this news.
I don't think I ever saw her again. But I did find emails that they were sharing. Mostly him telling her not to contact him via his home email address. So they were still in communication.
I often felt conspicuous when I was at the airport. I knew everyone there knew about their affair. I felt like they all looked at me as the bad person who had ruined their relationship. It always felt awkward.
I noticed that when he and I were together at the airport that he kept his distance from me.
When he graduated from his training the family was invited to the ceremony. Our daughter and I went. Again, awkward. However, the woman in charge of his class told me "he really missed you." I wondered if she really knew that or if she just said it to everyone.
He left for NY. He was always on call so had to stay there except on his days off when he would fly home. I visited him several times in NY and stayed in the "flight attendant" apartment he lived in with 15 other flight attendants...male and female. AWKWARD!!!
But he did seem to actually care about me. Could I trust him? Could I trust he was really over her? Could I trust it wouldn't happen again? After all, he flew with many women and stayed at hotels with rooms right next to each other. It was a very difficult time.
Our son left for Japan for 6 months to do an internship and our daughter put in her mission papers. We began to have a number of miracles in our lives. Mostly small things but miracles none the less. One happened on a Sunday morning. Our daughter had not yet received her mission call and our stake president told her she could not go to the temple until she received her call. I was saddened by that because it would mean she would not be able to go to the temple before her brother left for Japan. With her dad not able to go to the temple I really wanted our son to be there. I resigned myself to the fact that it would just be my daughter and me. On this particular Sunday morning her branch President woke up early with the thought in his mind "[she] needs to go to the temple before her brother leaves for Japan." He called her in, conducted the recommend interview and sent her to the Stake President. The Stake President said "no, you can't go until your mission call comes." She told him that her branch President felt otherwise. The Stake President sent her home and said he would call the branch President and explain to him. This was all very time sensitive as the Stake President was leaving town that evening and wouldn't be back until after our son left for Japan. I spent the day in prayer.
A few hours later the Stake President called her and asked her to come back to his office. There he told her that, after conferring with the branch president, he had determined that this was indeed inspiration and he would give her the recommend.
I knew our Father was aware of our situation, that He love her and each of us and had given this inspiration to her Branch President.
That week, just before our son left, we were able to go to the temple with my daughter. It was heartbreaking not to have her dad there. The first of many such experiences that we would not be able to share with him.
But I lived in hope.
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