I noticed something happening that I never expected. But then hadn't I learned to expect the unexpected? I really thought once he stopped the relationship with her he would also come back to the church. I thought if he ended the fantasy it would be because he loved me. Neither were true. Yes, we lived just fine together....most of the time. He was easily angered when he returned from his trips. The traveling was difficult on him and if I tried to have a conversation with him upon his return he just wasn't up to it. It took me some time to figure out that I just couldn't talk to him until the next day. It was hard and frustrating. But even more troubling to me was that I was finding it difficult to love him. I didn't want him to touch me. I was troubled by this. After all we had been through, after all the guidance and inspiration, after all the healing and strength I received, after coming to know my Savior, I didn't want to be with him. I was certain of all the revelation I had received about our relationship so why was this happening?
One day as I was attending the temple the thought came to me that just as Satan had attempted to destroy Adam and Eve's eternal relationship by tempting Adam, he had tried to destroy our relationship by tempting my husband. Though it was different because Adam hadn't succumbed to the temptation and my husband had succumbed, still our marriage had not been destroyed as Satan desired. Just as Satan then tempted Eve he was now working on me to destroy the marriage. I knew that I had been guided and taught from on high so I believed that I needed to make our marriage work. Why else would we have gone through all we had?
I began to pray to love him.
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