Choosing my own way

He became disenchanted with his therapist and decided to make a change. There was a big change coming at work and she was going to take a leave of absence. I don't know why I thought it would make any difference but I had high hopes since they wouldn't be together at work at least.
We went to my therapist together a few times. It was really painful because I was learning not to let his actions control me and my choices so whatever he would say about me I was supposed to be able to resolve it rather than to let it hurt me or make me crazy. But healing is a process and even though I was making progress I would have preferred to have our therapist tell him what a dope he was and how great I was. I used to imagine that one day he would see how wrong he had been and how lucky he was to have me. But then I realized that when that happened (sometime in the next life) I would hopefully have progressed to a point that I didn't need to be vindicated. I would just be grateful that he had repented. I would have developed Christ-like love! There would be no satisfaction in him seeing how badly he had hurt me and in him feeling completely terrible about it. But I liked to imagine it would be otherwise. 
Our Therapist talked about not hitching my wagon to his bike and vice versa. You can see the problem with hitching your wagon to another s. If they ride their bike off in some strange direction you are going there with them. It's better to ride your own bike side by side or even better, one drafting off the other and taking turns in the lead. I always thought a husband and wife had to be at the same place on the path to Father. Not the way it is or needs to be. Does it really matter as long as you are on the path? I don't think so.
I learned that we do not know the heart of anyone else....even our spouse. We only know what they allow us to see and what we interpret from our experiences with them. We may be seeing them completely wrong. Only Father and our Savior know their heart. We can find out more about others by asking Father to help us see them as They do.
He decided that now was a good time to make a break. He had determined that he was dealing with a fantasy, an addiction, and it was becoming a bit frustrating for him. As I was becoming more free (by walking with my Father and Savior) she was becoming more needy. One day I went to the airport. She saw me walking with him and walked right up to us and said to him "can I see you a minute?" He went off with her and when he returned I asked him what she wanted. He started to snicker and said " she told me she didn't appreciate being treated like 'the other woman.:" Huh! I thought she WAS the other woman. Apparently she didn't think so.
I sent her a letter. I told her she was only a fantasy to him. I told her that even if they did end up together he would never be able to separate himself from the family he was part of...me and his children.
She called me. She told me he didn't want to be in the church and asked me if I wanted him under those conditions. She really didn't get it. He was my husband. The father of our children. I wanted him in my life forever and always.
She told me not to ever write to her again. Whatever.
Her leave of absence started. One day he was riding home, returning from a bike ride. He passed a dead skunk in the side of the road. He went home, got a shovel, went back and buried it. He made a sign that said "here lies the relationship of ______ and _______" complete with dates and he posted it there. I had high hopes. But remember....addictions are compelling!
Viktor Frankl said, in Man's Search for Meaning " Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms---to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
I was making great progress in choosing to love, to forgive, to seek solace rather than bitterness. It was only because of the strength I felt from the relationship I was developing with my Father and Savior. There was more joy in Their love then I had ever experienced in my life. It felt good. And I was hopeful. How many times would that hope been dashed? How many times and in how many ways would my heart be broken? But I could survive. I never stopped repeating in my mind, many times a day "with God nothing shall be impossible." Including saving this marriage?